I mean, I guess…. What, they gon’ give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should’ve done that shit a long time ago, we wouldn’t be in the fuckin’ position we in now. With world war coming up right now. They done fucked this shit up then give it to the Black people, “Here you take it. Take my mess.”
Robin Williams
Woody Allen
Seal
Danny DeVito
Nicole Richie
Dennis Kucinich
In an offseason in which the Colorado Rockies saw fit to commit $80 million to a player who hit .289/.322/.453 away from Coors Field, the Angels decided that it wasn’t fair that the Blue Jays were stuck with one of the worst contracts of all time and Dodgers did what the Dominican murder investigators never could and locked up Juan Uribe and his career .300 OBP,
the Tampa Bay Rays went ahead with more of their trademark intelligent decision making, signing Manny Ramirez and his Predator costume to a one-year contract worth around $2 million.
As he approaches his 40th birthday and his body falls apart, Manny continues to do those good things that he does — walking, hitting home runs and posting a line of .301/.412/.532 since winning his second World Series with the Red Sox in 2007. For whatever reason though, probably having to do with unorthodox hairstyles and behavior, fans and journalists like to belittle Manny’s performance, decrying him as declining and lazy. While Manny may no longer be putting up the historical numbers he did in his prime, he’s still among the best hitters in baseball. For example, let’s take a look at Manny compared to say, the “Most-Valuable Player” in the American League last season, sports media’s favorite prodigal son, Josh Hamilton:
Manny Ramirez vs. Josh Hamilton, 2007-2010
Despite being nearly a decade younger and in the heat of his prime, Hamilton’s performance over the past four seasons has been nearly identical to Manny’s, with Ramirez showing considerably more patience in exchange for his sometimes-hilarious defensive shortcomings.
Hamilton will earn between 8-12 million dollars next season, depending on the result negotiations leading up to his arbitration hearing with the Rangers, four to six times what Manny will make with the Rays. I’m hardly ready to bank on that Ramirez definitely being as good or better than Hamilton next season, however, the difference between the two really doesn’t seem so drastic that one is worth up to six times the value of the other — both are injury-prone mashers with atypical pasts.
Way to go, former Devil Rays, you may have just secured yourself the most home runs per dollar in the league in 2011.
“The Nationals are ready to win,” writes Nationals beat reporter Bill Ladsen on MLB.com in announcing Washington’s 7-year, $126 million signing of free agent right fielder Jayson Werth on Sunday.
Whoops.
Werth is obviously a very good player, having posted an OPS+ of 131 over his four years with the Phillies, however, had he achieved this feat while playing on a team that didn’t also feature Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Cole Hamels and make the playoffs four years in a row, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t even be discussing the prospect of Jayson Werth: $100 Million Man.
For some prospective, let’s take a look at two other guys who didn’t see regular playing time before their 27th birthdays (Werth didn’t exceed 500 plate appearances in a season until 2009, his age-30 season):
Shockingly, we don’t hear too much about the splash to be made when Scott and Willingham (combined postseason at-bats: 3) hit the open market next season. Guys like these three are good players that, unfortunately for the Nationals, are not good enough to be the best player on a championship-caliber team, which is what they’re paying Werth as if he were.
Before deciding to pay Jayson Werth $54,000,000 for his age-36, 37 & 38 seasons, Nats GM Mike Rizzo might have benefited from giving a call to the Blue Jays and ask them how Vernon Wells is doing.
1.) MLB leader in walks allowed by a pitcher; Ryan threw baseballs really goddamn hard, however, he also had no idea where they were going once they left his hand, as he allowed nearly 1,000 more walks than anyone else in the history of professional baseball, a mark that fits in nicely next to his modern-era record for wild pitches.
2.) His ill-fated writing career; 1996 saw the release of The Nolan Ryan Fitness Guide. Four years later he suffered a heart attack and had to receive a double coronary bypass. Boy must his face be red! (because all of the arteries in his head are bursting)
3.) 
Drancy Internment Camp
Paris, 1943:
This makes sense; concentrating an ethnic subset of a country’s population has only worked out well in the past. Classic Europe…
Rocking a .315/.353/.563 batting line through 31 games entering Wednesday, Jay Gibbons has merited not only big-league playing time (albeit with Suck Podsednik as his chief competition), but vaunted fantasy league playing time, as an upcoming string of games against right-handed starters and a trip to the bandbox in Arizona has made the former Oriole disgrace a desirable outfield option.
The first result for a Google Image search for “Jews:”
Classic.
