Fat Redneck Behaves Predictably, America Pretends To Care

Joba Chamberlain has succeeded in reaffirming the people of the rural West as a society of drunken hicks, getting arrested for DUI early Sunday morning near his hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska. I don’t mean to make broad generalizations, but, uh, oh wait, yeah I do – who is surprised by this? What did anyone think that 23-year-old millionaire Joba Chamberlain was doing this offseason; not joyriding around the cornfields of his stupid whitebread town in his SUV, slugging down Budweiser and howling at farmers’ daughters and/or their beloved potbellied pigs?

I’m not sure why this is even newsworthy. Shockingly, athletes tend to make the same mistakes and bad decisions as anyone else, although often at a higher rate, as athletes are almost universally stupid.

Additionally, it’s probably worth noting that Yankees.com, the official website of the New York Yankees, had no mention of Joba’s legal troubles, as of Sunday around noon – almost twelve hours after ESPN’s initial reports. I would say that MLB.com’s decision not to report on it is cool, except that I’m 100% sure it has more to do with censorship and maintaining the image that ballplayers do no wrong than it does with respect for the situation’s mundaneness.