Fuck Chuck Norris

Sometimes the elements are more amusing than the compound. Ladies & Gentlemen: Kevin Mitchell.

1. Kevin Mitchell was shot three times as a teenager.
2. Kevin Mitchell allegedly engaged in a fistfight with future teammate and fellow ill-behaved novelty and MLB all-star Darryl Strawberry in the weeks following the two players being drafted by the New York Mets.
3. While hanging out with that other famous talented Met/degenerate drug user, Dwight Gooden, Kevin Mitchell apparently used a steak knife to decapitate his girlfriend’s pet cat.
4. Kevin Mitchell has never worn a cup, claiming, “I couldn’t find one big enough for my junk.”
5. The Bare-Handed Catch*
6. Kevin Mitchell is apparently the only MVP-winner to have played for eight different MLB teams.
7. Kevin Mitchell once broke a tooth while attempting to eat a frozen doughnut.
8. Kevin Mitchell may be the most underrated hitter of all time.
9. Kevin Mitchell loves Rake Blog.**

• Fuck Major League Baseball for monopolizing videos of people playing baseball, and hence, making a clip of this fantastically novel moment all but impossible to locate.
• *Probably not true.