“Women: Even After You’re Dead…”
When 31-year-old Johnny Quintana dropped dead from an apparent heart attack last week, his girlfriend of 13 years, Gisela Marrero, could think of one thing and one thing only: harvesting the last iota of man juice from Quintana’s cold, lifeless corpse.
A Bronx judge gave Marrero the legal OK to take the next logical step in the grieving process and go on in and do whatever needs to be done to extract sperm from the corpse that used to be Johnny Quintana so that she may impregnate herself with it. Marrero and Quintanta’s brother both claim that having another child was Johnny’s dying wish, however, something tells me they’re missing the point on this one.
Good for Johnny Quintana; I hope that when I die, my girlfriend is there to jerk off my corpse and harvest my sweet, sweet man fluids.
Also, in doing the research for this post, it has come to my attention that in addition to being hilarious and super-satisfying, Necrophilia is apparently only considered a felony in eight states: Washington, Oregon, California, Arkansas, Georgia, Florida, Alabama and Wisconsin. Fuck away, cadaver-savvy Delewarriors!