Bernie Madoff Gets Off Easy (Sentencing-Wise, Not, Like, Sex)

There really is no such thing as justice in this country. While pot dealers and perpetrators of similarly petty crimes languish in jail, word came today that the mastermind behind one of the most treacherous financial schemes in American history will be back on the streets in a mere 150 years. That means the 71-year-old Madoff will be back in time to appreciate all of the following:

1.)  An appearance by a mysterious time traveler from 180 years in the future in a unfolding of a real-life Back to the Future scenario.
2.) J.D. Salinger’s 240th birthday.
3.) The incorporation of a new baseball franchise in Washington D.C., with the previous franchise, the Washington Nationals, having relocated to Las Vegas in 2015 and later the Moon in 2108.
4.) The official canonization of Darren Daulton, who, as it turns out, was right about everything.
5.) The 2161 edition of the Rolling Stones’ unending embarrassment parade.
6.) The 170th season of The Simpsons.
7.) Year 158 of the American War on Terror.
8.) Observant Jews giving up and reclassifying pigs as vegetables.
9.) The 145th anniversary of the demise of both Major League Soccer and the WNBA.
10.) American independence from China.