A Concise Dissertation On The Crackhead And His Behavior

In some ways [one way], crackheads are the ultimate pragmatists. They have a singular goal, which is to obtain and consume as much crack as possible, and do absolutely anything and everything to make that goal a reality. This is a direct parallel to Christians, soldiers or anyone else who dedicates their lives to a cause. When Karl Marx said, “Religion is the opiate of the masses,” he was half-right. A statement that would takes care of the missing half-rightness there would be “Opiates are the opiates of the masses,” as a significant percentage of the population derives more influence from drugs than from God.

Crackheads, by nature, love crack. This is an indisputable fact that unfortunately crackheads may not be willing (or capable) to acknowledge, as smoking crack is not ideal to preserving the brain. Everything a crackhead does; every minute of his day; every second of his being; is centered around acquiring and smoking more crack. In order to achieve this most noble of goals, crackheads will do things that people who aren’t addicted to crack cocaine won’t do. For example, a crackhead will climb up an iron pole and risk imminent death in order to tear down what they notice to be a loosely attached crosswalk sign in hopes of exchanging said sign for money, which would allow said crackhead to purchase and consume crack.

The bar I work at purchased this crosswalk sign, and it is now on display. Come check it out and enjoy happy hour until 8:00pm every day at the Cherry Tree Bar in Brooklyn!

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