Quote of the Day

“I dunno, I never smoked any Astroturf.”

Tug McGraw,
When asked about his preference of grass or Astroturf.

Mexico!

From the Wikipedia entry on Tequila:

“In 2008, Mexican scientists discovered a method to transform 80-proof (40% alcohol) tequila into diamonds. This process involves heating the tequila to over 800 degrees C (1,400 degrees F) to vaporize the tequila. The tequila particles are cooled, and settle upon steel or silicon trays in an even, pure layer. The results are hoped to have numerous commercial and industrial applications, but are far too small (100–400 nm diameter) for use in jewelry.^“

Copenhagen Now DONG-Powered

Hats off to Copenhagen, as the Danish city’s DONG Energy Company has made it one of the most efficiently powered major cities in the world. According to an IBM insert in Friday’s New York Times, Denmark’s DONG is so haught and powerful that it will save the city 80% on reinforcements to its grid. That, my friends, is one righteous DONG.

One can only hope, and maybe stare longingly out of a window, that Denmark will one day share its technological prowess with DONG-hungry America.

Orlando Cabrera Middling His Way Into The Record Books

With 10 sacrifice flies on the season heading into Thursday’s games, Twins shortstop Orlando Cabrera is tied with some guy named Marlon Byrd for the American League lead in that category. If you are on the verge of

Cabrera, no doubt preparing to hit one of his trademark convenient fly ball outs.

giving up on this column, I don’t blame you, as sacrifice flies are about the 258,000th most interesting metric in baseball. However, what makes Cabrera’s prowess in hitting fly balls when a runner happens to be on third base is how remarkably consistent it has been over the course of the 34-year-old’s career; if he finishes with the league lead in sacrifice flies this season, it will mark the third time in four seasons in which he has done so.

Sacrifice flies belong to that controversial cadre of baseball statistics that also includes RBI or Saves — metrics that are often misread because they are situational and generally not indicative of an individual player’s performance. For example, one player could hit 10 fly balls with no one on base while another does it 10 times with a runner on third base — performances that are identical in reality but appear different on a spreadsheet that records Sac. Flies and RBI.

To illustrate how odd it is that Cabrera routinely leads the league in Sac. Flies, as well as finishing 3rd in 2008 and 2nd in 2003, take a look at the year-by-year leaderboards. From 2006-2009, Justin Morneau and Kevin Youkilis are the only non-Cabrera players to finish in the top five in the American League more than once (Morneau in ’07 & ’08; Youk in ’06 & ’08). So fucking weird.

Self-Aggrandizing Much?

From The New York Times’ “Why We Travel: Readers’ Photos” feature comes this grand nugget of smug self-satisfaction. And people say I have a God complex…

Kampala, Uganda — I was making my way through one of the largest slums in Kampala when I came across this young boy.  My three week trip to Kampala, Uganda had led my team and I here to deliver rice, toothpaste, toothbrushes, and other necessities to a family in desperate need.  In our haste, we had to pass the boy up the first time.  I prayed the entire walk back that he would still be there, and sure enough, he was.  He was still sitting right where we had left him, as if he were waiting on us to return.  We were out of supplies, so we had nothing to give him.  What this picture doesn’t show you is the massive smile he gave us as we left.  To me, this picture represents the millions of children around the world who are waiting for someone like me to reach out to them. - Joshua Hamby

In Case There Was Any Lingering Doubt That Cole Hamels Is The Biggest Pussy In Sports…

Another great find by Ted Berg.

More Hating On The Baseball Hall of Fame

In preparation of the establishment of my own Baseball Hall of Fame to replace the Hall of Subjective Moralizing And Politics in Cooperstown, here are a few players currently enshrined that I can say right of the bat (no pun intended; but appreciated nonetheless) would not make it into my new Hall of Fame:

Paul Molitor: I would say that it’s pretty weird that Molitor got voted in while Harold Baines did not considering their near-identical careers as designated hitters (Molitor: 21 seasons, 122 adjusted OPS+; Baines: 22 seasons, 120), except for the fact that there is little rhyme or reason to who the BBWAA elects to what is supposedly baseball’s highest honor. Neither Baines nor Molitor will find themselves in Jake’s Hall of Fame, but both have unquestioned claims to residency in the Hall of Very Good. Fun fact: Baines and Molitor were even selected two picks apart in the 1977 Draft, with Baines going 1^st overall to the White Sox and Brewers taking Molitor third.

Continue…

Pedro Still Pedro

2009 Statistics:

W-L: 5-0
ERA: 2.87
K/9:8.1
K:BB Ratio: 5.67

Mourning Loved Ones Via Rear Windshields All The Rage Right Now

Found on the rear windshield of a poorly maintained, early-90′s model Dodge Caravan on St. Marks Ave. in Park Slope, this festive decal appears to have been a party favor at the funeral of Sean Bell. I can only hope that I’m lucky enough to have my death commemorated with an anthropomorphic swine, rather than the non-permanent scrawlings of the last time we experienced this phenomenon. I guess the presence Porky Pig makes sense, what with the “That’s All Folks!” and all, but I would prefer mine to include Satan or at least the Grim Reaper harvesting my soul. Call me old-fashioned, but I guess I’m a purist of the macabre.

A Series Of Musings On The 1997 Film, Trojan War

In the scene in which Will Friedle’s character Brad Kimble has just fallen out of a tree outside of love interest Brook Kingsley’s house, the police officer receives a message from his dispatcher, who alerts him of Brad’s transgression via the apparent local police code for Peeping Tom-ism, “Seven-Mary-Three.” Whether this is a reference to 90′s rock band 7Mary3 (of “Cumbersome” fame) or just a random coincidence, this is a very funny occurrence.

The character portrayed by Christine Deaver, listed aptly on IMDB as “Latin Mama,” might be the most racist depiction of a Hispanic woman in the history of movies or race, going nuts with passion over her desire to dance the Macarena with Brad. Not that I care, but the idea of the filmmakers thinking that this was an ok thing to present in their movie is funny.

The condoms Brad favors throughout the film are Trojan dusties, so-called for their lack of lubrication and easily recognized by their familiar red box; an interesting choice for a teenage virgin.

Leah, the character portrayed by Jennifer Love Hewitt (who may look better and act worse than in any of her other films; a strong list of instances of her looking great and acting poorly), uses the idiom “Sissy La-La” on at least two occasions during the film.

Jason Marsden portrays Brad’s best friend, just as he had portrayed Eric Matthew’s best friend in Boy Meets World. According to Marsden’s Wikipedia entry, he and Friedle are best friends in real life as well. Friedle’s entry corroborates this claim.

List of Famous People Who Have Allegedly [But Almost Definitely] Killed Someone With A Car

Laura Bush
Howard Hughes
Matthew Broderick
Ambiorix Burgos
Ted Kennedy
Brandy

Well, Now There’s This…

The funniest part of this is that all it is: “Hey, look! KFC has introduced a ridiculously glutenous, albeit probably delicious, new product!” Why is any news outlet reporting on this? People are idiots.

Courtesy Ted Berg

PS: Rake Blog proudly supports Kentucky Fried Chicken in this delicious endeavor.

Fjorn Does NIN

It has been well established in this space that Trent Reznor is awesome. The Nine Inch Nails remix site, at which users can download the individual tracks that make up NIN’s songs and customize them to their liking, does little to combat this notion. Check out Fjorn’s take on “Capital G” from NIN’s 2007 opus, Year Zero, which with the help of GarageBand took all of 20-30 minutes. Computers are cool.

District Eats To Aid In Food Location, Consumption

Do you live in or around the Beltway and enjoy that food all the kids are talking about? Make your way over to the newly launched District Eats, courtesy of Rake Blog kinfolk Will Trebach and Pete Saia.

Is This The Moment Of Singularity When Facebook Absorbs Gmail?