Archive for the Famous People Category
Closest rockstar-baseball player lookalikes since the ol’ Tom Morello-Raul Ibanez tandem?
Another great find by Ted Berg.
Baseball superagent Scott Boras was rewarded today with the ultimate compliment a capitalist can receive — a plague of insects, presumably for excellence in the field of greed.
The New York Times reports that Boras’ suite at Angels Stadium was overrun by a swarm of bees during this afternoon’s Angels-Athletics game. The Bees were ultimately removed with the help of a vacuum. Boras’ clients, ranging from Alex Rodriguez to Rodrigo Lopez, have been awarded over a billion dollars in contracts over the past decade, making Boras an obvious contender to receive plagues.
Seriously though, Scott Boras rules. It would be sweet as shit if God actually launched a coup against him and failed because Boras is so good at making money that he can just have whatever The Almighty throws at him vacuumed up at his convenience. Of course, there is no God, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
Adding to the list of Rake Blog heroes with new projects due in the immediate future, Norm MacDonald is apparently at work on a new television show that he appears to be thrilled about. Excerpted from an interview with America’s #1 news source, ExpressMilwaukee.com:
Oh yeah, speaking of things that I’m not actually good at, I’m doing a television show on the channel FX, which will actually be funny, or it might be. I wrote it. Have you ever seen “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?” I like that show, and I think that’s FX’s only comedy, so they wanted a companion. I really like FX a lot; they don’t give you very many notes or anything. So they’re finally going to let me do something I want to do. It’s called “The Norm MacDonald Reality Show.” The premise is my career has fizzled into oblivion, so they give me a reality show, which I reluctantly take. So I have to date the Barbie twins and do all this weird, retarded stuff. Now I don’t know how to drive in real life-my actual life-so in the show they teach me to get a license, but maybe they get Lee Ermey to teach me; you know, some twist. Anyway, so during the driving lesson, I accidentally kill the teacher. And then all hell breaks lose. I start to become famous again, and the show becomes a hit, and the trial starts. I get my fame that I didn’t want in the first place. But there’s a lot of funny stuff in it. I guess I’m telling it like it’s not funny.
Well, here it is: the greatest supergroup of all time, as NME and Antiquiet report that Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme has joined forces with Dave Grohl and Led Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones. The trio is
currently in the studio working on what Homme’s wife, Brody Dalle of The Distillers, has deemed “Pretty fucking amazing…Just beats and sounds like you’ve never heard before.” There is no reason to doubt Dalle’s claims considering the band’s pedigree reads like a musical fantasy draft: take this generation’s most badass rock frontman, reunite him with the drummer from his magnum opus who also happened to have been in Nirvana and round out the roster with the bassist from Led Zeppelin. Epic.
Meanwhile, in other music news, Muse and the Arctic Monkeys have set release dates for the upcoming records, with Muse’s fifth album, The Resistance, set for September 14th, while the Arctic Monkeys’ Humbug (produced by Homme) is slated for release on August 25th. “Crying Lightening,” the first single from Humbug, is already out on iTunes.
“Music IS free whether you want to believe that or not. Every piece of music you can think of is available free right now a click away. This is a fact – it sucks as the musician BUT THAT’S THE WAY IT IS (for now).”
Radiohead mentioned in a letter to their mailing list that they are currently in the studio, which can only be a good thing. Meanwhile, Thom Yorke released a new song this week, a cover of Miracle Legion’s “All For The Best” on the compilation, Ciao My Shining Star: The Songs of Mark Mulcahy. Mulcahy fronted the band Polaris, who performed the theme song to The Adventures of Pete & Pete.
I can’t find a picture, but there was a ridiculously (literally, it was ridiculous) hot blond lady sitting behind home plate during last night’s MLB All-Star Game. I only note this because of how noticeable she and her gigantic fake tits were. Don’t worry, I assume there will be images online shortly, as she has already inspired a message board dedicated to discussion of that time people saw a hot woman watching a baseball game .
Dr. Dre has emerged from the shadows; His venue: A Dr. Pepper commercial. Also from Dr. Dre’s corner of the universe, Eminem’s new album kind of sucks.
“I think the DH’s add so much offense that … even when you have the pitcher hitting, the overall lineup is much much stronger.” -Tim McCarver, to President Obama.
So T-Mac’s logic on this one is that designated hitters add more offense to a team’s lineup. So much so, that even when they are not playing, the rest of the players in the lineup magically hit better than they would have had they not played with a DH in other games. This is what Tim McCarver said to the President of the United States. Wow.
Will Albert Pujols win the Triple Crown this year? Currently leading the National League in home runs and RBI, the St. Louis first basemang and weirdo religious fanatic is fourth in batting average. Should he hit enough singles to usurp Hanley Ramirez for the batting title, Pujols would also be a strong contender for the real Triple Crown, as he currently sits atop the leaderboards in on-base and slugging percentages.
“I wanted to do that for a grand upperclassman of the baseball world.”
-Ichiro Suzuki, Discussing his recent visit to George Sisler’s grave in the most Japanese statement of all-time.
Match the funeral pics with the dead famous person being mourned! Answers below; no cheating!
1.) Farrah Fawcett
2.) Billy Mays
3.) Michael Jackson
4.) Ed McMahon
5.) Steve McNair
Note: I am aware that I could have waited and added photos from the funerals of Robert McNamara and Arturo Gatti.
PS: The recent run of famous people kicking the can is clearly an act of distraction, but from what? Iran? North Korea? A-Rod? The secret Islamic agenda of Barack Obama?
“I want his children to know, there wasn’t nothing strange about your daddy.”
- Rev. Al Sharpton,
Speaking at Michael Jackson’s memorial service on Tuesday
It’s one thing to wax positive at a funeral, but to suggest that there was “nothing strange” about a dude who was accused on numerous occasions of molesting children while living in an amusement park and sometimes changing his race is pretty strange in itself.
Privileged enough to have Dave Letterman making fun of her dumbass daughter (albeit the wrong one), Sarah Palin has re-entered the American consciousness with a vengeance this week:
Of course, Larry Flynt was the first to the scene, finally answering the titular question posed in his film, Who’s Nailin’ Palin? The answer, according to the title of a new Flynt production, is Obama’s Nailin’ Palin:
Two twists, one unexpected but not particularly interesting and the other I probably should have seen coming and pretty funny in its own right:
1.) ESPN.com reports that sales of Selena Roberts’ chronicle of Alex Rodriguez’s suppliment use, legal and otherwise, have dwindled, failing to meet financial expectations and quickly falling into oblivion.
2.) In the ESPN article, A-Rod is blamed for the book’s lackluster sales.
“I don’t think he’s ever been embraced by serious fans,” Logan Fox, a manager at Posman [Books in Manhattan], said Wednesday. “He’s still considered an outsider.”
Really? Is that why no one is buying this book? Because people don’t like A-Rod? It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the book’s subject matter being completely trite and uninteresting, right? ESPN.com appears to agree with Mr. Fox, as the article does not speculate on any other variables that could be at play in the book’s failure to conjure interest.
Bottom line: It’s clearly A-Rod’s fault that Selena Roberts and Logan Fox have been unable to cash in on him. It’s pretty funny that the dude is so divisive that when a book written for the sole purpose of trashing him fails to bring financial gain to those involved in its production and distribution, he takes the blame.
Zack Morris’ appearance on last night’s episode of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon pretty much exemplified the best the former Company Computer Guy could hope for: A novel guest star shows up and compensates for Fallon’s complete and obvious lack of comedic sensibility. Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Double double-letters, what?) was a good sport, playing to the crowd with Morris’ trademark sparkling white high tops, immaculately gelled hairdo and of course, the classic gigantic cell phone.
Fallon was predictably terrible, failing to maintain a straight face when Morris called “Time-Out” and generally detracting more than he added to the novelty of the sketch. What a douchebag. Good for Gosselaar for pulling off the joke without the whole episode feeling desperate while simultaneously promoting whatever stupid new lawyer show he’s currently employed by without taking himself too seriously.